Square Peg Round Hole

Life allowed me to avoid Rochester for 7 years, and then I spent two weekends in a row there. First for Thanksgiving and my high school reunion and then the very next weekend for my grandmother’s funeral. I spent 7 years worried that I would revert to the awkward, insecure shadow of my current self that I had been all those years ago as soon as I crossed the county line. I didn’t of course…I was still me, just me in a different city. Me, around people who understand and accept me without requesting a thesaurus or explanations of my choices.

Since moving to Charlotte I have convinced myself that the reason I haven’t made many friends here and never have felt at ease, is that there was something wrong with me. Well, two trips home, with requisite stops to visit friends in DC along the way, have made it clear that it is my current environment not me that is my stumbling block. I’m a square peg and Charlotte is a round hole…things worked alright when I first moved here because I was still a small, insecure peg. As I have grown it is become an iller fit and I think I might be rapidly approaching the point when I just don’t fit at all. Maybe “it’s not me”, maybe it’s my environment. I never had any difficulty living in DC, which I always assumed was because I was younger and less particular about life. What if DC was a better fit? What if I just landed in a place that was only meant to be a stop over in life? Yes, my parents and brother live here as well, but is family a reason to stagnate one’s life? Is fear? I’m not sure I am ready for all the “risk” of blindly picking up my life and moving it somewhere else. Really the only drawback is what to do with my house…

God…you there? I wouldn’t mind a targeted natural disaster…say a tornado that hits just my house…you can leave the rest of the block. What do you think? No…I thought that was what you would say. Well, if you change your mind, you know the address.